The months of August and September have been brutal for women in the media. The one’s who caught headlines in recent weeks is murder of Sharon Atieno, Monica Kamau, Merbel Kaplon to name a few. https://www.the-star.co.ke/news/2018/09/27/women-senators-condemn-rising-murders-of-women_c1826457 ) Why is human life and especially women life so easy to extinguish?
Is there a normalisation of women in intimate and sexual relationships being killed? Does adultery/fornication warrant murder? What message are we sending across?
Human life is the most precious gift and must be protected at all costs. Over years wars have been fought wars and laws enacted to protect precious life. How do we now so callously kill? And moreover condemn the victim more than the perpetrator?
When we condemn the girls in illicit affairs and trivialise their subsequent brutal murders what are we doing? We are eroding the institution of marriage and HUMAN LIFE and in particular life of women. How?
Marriage is a contract and commitment between two people ( or more depending on your religion and personal law). The commitment is to love, honour, obey and protect. There is an expectation of faithfulness. When one party steps out of the union and have an intimate relationship with another person they violate the pillars of marriage. But who violates the marriage?
My view is that it is the one who is married and has made promises to their spouse who has committed adultery. The other person is guilty of having ill-advised sexual relations. My proposal is that we should be angry at the person who violates the marriage! The spouse is the one who is violating the institution of marriage.
Who can take another’s life. Our laws protect and embryo how much more for a fully grown person? There are limited circumstances set out in the Constitution of Kenya that limit this inalienable right. Basically NO ONE should take another’s life!
When we normalise the death of ladies involved with married/in relationship men we erode the value of human life. So, we can kill someone to hide our shame and guilt? Is this really an acceptable standard? When we normalise the death of the Sharon’s and Monica’s of this world even though we don’t approve of their moral choices we have no RIGHT or JUSTIFICATION to normalise their murder.
LIFE OF A WOMAN
Why is it often the women in the illicit sexual affair who end up dead? Our brand a “weaker sex” comes into play. Most murder meted out is physically violent. It is quite hard to snuff out the life of another. You need to be very deliberate and/or strong and/or plan very well to execute a murder.
There is a common feeling that women who die in such circumstances deserve it. This is extremely unfortunate as human life has no gender both male and female life is to be protected.
Another reason that comes into play is the low self-esteem. For you to be in a relationship where you cannot be publicly acknowledged or recognised perhaps there is a problem with you. Why would you allow yourself to be second fiddle or a dirty little secret?
Further, financial in balance, more often than not the victim becomes a threat to the perpetrators finances. Whether withholding of finances or demanding more money. Money plays a major role at the point where murder is deemed a viable and “logical” solution.
Social judgment is a huge factor that ensures such relationships are under wraps. A threat to expose this to peers or public is a motivation to murder. The question is does the secrecy of the act make it less immoral? Why are we so scared of public scrutiny? It should be that we are guided by our moral compass regardless of whether in the public eye or behind closed doors. And we the social judges, who are we to cast the first stone? Does the crime fit the sentence of murder really?
Perhaps we are not emotionally mature to handle betrayal and rejection from loved ones. We react in an extreme fashion when relationships go south. How do we generally resolve disputes especially between intimate or sexual partners?
The potency of love, desire and lust should not be trivialised or understated. A positive emotion can quickly and with the same intensity become a negative emotion. We need to be conscious of our emotions and deal with them in a mature fashion. It is time therapy and counselling should be accessible and a regular occurrence to help us weather our tremulous emotions. Everybody is emotional and it can get out of hand if not properly managed. It is time for us to GROW UP emotionally.
16 DAYS OF ACTIVISM AGAINST GBV
As we approach the 16 days of Activism against Gender Based violence from 25th November to 10th December http://www.unwomen.org/en/what-we-do/ending-violence-against-women/take-action/16-days-of-activism , we need to restore the sanctity of human life. There is no reason whatsoever to JUSTIFY a partner to kill their sexual partner. This is NOT NORMAL or ACCEPTABLE.
As we protest these senseless murders and acts of violence let us also have compassion for the women caught up in these affairs that are a risk to their life. Let us educate the perpetrators that there are other ways to resolve conflict and MURDER is NOT one of them. Lets all stand for HUMAN LIFE!
Let us educate and encourage each other that their life is worth more than money. That everyone deserves respect, love and protection in a relationship. That being in love is not a capital offence that warrants death. That you need to be secure including financial secure so as not to accept to be part of illicit rendezvous that may end up extremely dangerous or even fatal.
What are your thoughts on this? Is there a problem of intimate partnership violence? What contributes to this? How can we stamp this out? Share your views by commenting below.
#STOPGBV #16DAYSOFACTIVISM #MURDER #GIRLSLIVESMATTER #WOMENLIVESMATTER