We all crave and love to be heard and understood. We would wish others to respect our point of view .We would like to express our feelings and ideas. We would like to discuss and work through a situation together. We would like to develop and shape new ideas. We would like certain responses or actions after we express ourselves. But are you really being heard?

Many times we talk, especially women, we love to talk but is the other party really listening?  Do we get the emotional satisfaction and validation of being HEARD? How do you feel when you have no one to talk to? How do you feel when no one takes what you say seriously?

Communication in a relationship involves speaking, listening and being HEARD. Communication does not need to be verbal, even gestures and cues are communication. I look at couples who have been together for long and they seem to have a secret language that they use to communicate with each other; a look, a touch, a wink, a frown, a hug and smile.  It seems the longer you are together the more silent your communication is you literally don’t need to say a word and you are HEARD. To reach there requires a lot of patience, understanding and love. Each party must be caring, concerned and conscious enough of each other’s needs that even words are not necessary.

On the flip side there are people like me who think that SHOUTING will ensure you are HEARD. From looking at our kids it is clear that shouting just shuts the other party down but it doesn’t mean that they HEARD you!  Apart from shouting, speaking in a disrespectful, nagging, scolding, bored, callous, swearing, gruff, and angry way guarantees that the other party will NOT listen and you will NOT be HEARD. Yes, all that shouting will get you nowhere so STOP IT! (There I go shouting at you…I need to work on this. But you get my point!)

Signs that you are NOT BEING HEARD;

  • Ignored
  • No reaction
  • Wrong reaction
  • Shouting back

If the above sounds familiar you are NOT being HEARD. Before we blame the other party examine your communications skills. Take note of;

  1. Place
  2. Time
  3. Truth
  4. Other person’s mood
  5. Volume and pitch of your voice
  6. Are you; loving, respectful, considerate and compassionate when you speak?
  7. Are you clear in your words, gestures and signs ?( he/she is not a mind reader you know)
  8. Are you clear on what you want from the conversation?

As I am working on NOT shouting and the above pointers, I urge you to do the same. If you are doing your part and still not being HEARD you need to re-look the relationship and communicate your concerns and be HEARD. It is a natural human need to be heard and understood. Everyone needs this!

Remember, the main reason why people don’t listen or HEAR you is because they don’t VALUE YOU or what you are saying. Tafakari!


Feminist, Realist, Survivor, Thinker


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